Fuck The Institution Of Marriage

How putting a religious institution above the well being of the people in it has caused immeasurable harm

Photo by Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash

The man grabbed his wife by the hair, dragged her up the stairs and into the bedroom and threw her down on the bed as their daughter watched horrified and helpless.

That woman was my grandmother, the man abusing her was my grandfather and their daughter was my mom. Although horrific this was a common occurrence in their family.

This particular abusive episode, however, was different. My grandfather purposely made a show out of abusing his wife for the benefit of my great-grandmother, who was present at the time. She was my grandmother’s mother and a deeply religious woman who was staunchly against divorce.

My grandmother also refused to leave her husband for good and divorce was not something she wanted either, but he had a mistress and was ready to move on, so, to convince his mother-in-law to allow a divorce, he attacked her daughter right in front of her.

This particular story from my family history serves the purpose of illustrating why it is so damaging and devastating to elevate a religious institution, that of marriage, to a position where the institution itself is treated as more important than the well being and safety of the people (especially women) in it.

We live in a society that is heavily influenced by Christian beliefs regarding almost everything, whether we realize it or not. This is a religion that teaches that divorce is a “sin” and that “God hates divorce”. Women are told that it is wrong for them to get divorced even in cases of abuse.

While I have never been married myself, I constantly study and read about relationships as well as observe the marriages and relationships of the people around me. I have also had a front row seat to my parents’ disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce. While the divorce was ugly, the marriage itself was far worse.

As you might have guessed, I’m not the biggest fan of marriage. I’ll spare you my ‘marriage is a corrupt patriarchal institution that enslaves women’ rant (it’s true though!), but I think this tweet from Jim Carrey sums it up pretty well: