Everything Wrong With The Kids These Days

A list of grievances from the Boomers who know best

Kitty Williams

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Photo by yerling villalobos on Unsplash

1. They don’t get up early

You kids are lazy as fuck. You can’t even get out of bed before noon. You sleep practically all day. I was up way before you were. I get up at 5:30am every. single. day. because I’m better than you. I’ll bet it’s really difficult for you to get up early, nearly impossible. Getting up at the ass crack of dawn makes me feel superior so I’m sure to mention it as often as possible.

2. They’re not sophisticated

Do you know what a tuxedo arm sofa is? Of course you don’t, you stupid Millennial twit. You probably eat avocado toast and sleep all day you lazy piece of shit. I am the epitome of sophistication and class. I have superior tastes and I like to brag about it, I mean, educate you young people about it.

3. They eat avocado toast

I’ve never had avocado toast, but I know that Millennials like it so I’m going to shit on it. It’s obviously stupid and a waste of money, unlike the fact that I just bought all new furniture for the big house that I live in all by myself.

4. They don’t answer the door when they aren’t expecting anyone

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Kitty Williams

writer of sad poetry & essays on feminism, politics, LGBTQ, religion & whatever else I feel like. bookworm, stargazer, daydreamer & devoted mom to fur babies